Living true to our ourselves sometimes is difficult. Partly because of this we distract ourselves by looking at others. Most of the time other people are different. They might share the same beliefs, the same culture, or the same social background. However, each of them is unique. We might think we want two peas in a pod but in fact in most of our lives we are looking for the vegetable market.
I myself have lived my life fighting for a lot of things, believing in a lot of things and trying to live true to myself. However, for me, being true to myself does not mean I need to declare to the world how I live my life and how other people should live their lives because of how I live my life. Unfortunately, with the thrive of social media, everyone becomes a judge of others because of how true they think they were to themselves. They know what they believe in, and because of that they believe what they believe in is the truth, fact or not. Intolerance in the disguise of political correctness became a thing. Suddenly black can be flipped white and white can be a massive grey when it suits the situation.
The COVID-19 pandemic did not trouble me only physically because of its potential impact on my physical body, but also troubled me socially as I got to see more about people I know or knew (if I have unfriended or unfollowed them during the course of 2020) due to everyone had more time spent online because of lockdowns. I am not on the social media all the time, and I have my social media notifications mostly turned off on my phone. But I do log in everyday to check on the status of people I care, I know and I acquaint with to make sure they are still alive and kicking.
The side effect was that I began to see a lot of intolerance, judgement and at times antagonisms traded among a number of people I know. I at times feel getting more intolerant, judgmental and agitated in return. The only thing that held me marginally together was the teaching I had when I was small – “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Matthew 7:3 King James version. Am I perfect? No. Did I always manage to stay clear of wrong doings? Probably not. But this has always been my guidelines in a lot of things.
I remember one of my colleagues once commented on me saying ‘Why are you always so black and white? Why is it that you believe in there is only one truth and one fact?’ I suppose it was because of this that I am good in what I am doing. But if we do not believe in there is only one truth and one fact, what do we anchor ourselves on? Without a strong anchoring point in a debate, we will lose sight of what matters, and starting to look at the flaws in others without knowing our own flaws were ballooning at the same time. We become more judgemental on others without judging our own actions. We become more aggressive on others while attacking other people’s aggressions (existing or not). And where does that lead our society?
For example, I am in the arts industry (at least I still consider myself so). For me art is always subjective. I might think I did well in an audition, I might even have great feedback at auditions, but then I mostly do not get the job. At times I would think the jobs went to people less qualified and less able to act. But then I will need to quell those thoughts quickly because acting is an artform, so it is subjective, so the employers might have seen things in those people whom I couldn’t see, and thus I can let it go and move on without bottling up anger because ‘I felt being cheated by some less qualified people’. So, I would avoid looking for other people’s mote and avoid enlarging my beam in my eye. The same applies to whether one likes a piece of theatre or a movie. Often or not on social media, I saw people said they did not like a certain piece of theatre or a movie, some others will just jump to attack these people because they liked it and thought that the same piece of theatre or movie was one of the best in their opinion. Whenever I saw that, my heart sank. A lot of times I have urges to respond, but then most of the time I held back. Not because I was complacent but because I can no longer see a point reasoning with people who think they represent the truth and only truth about whether a piece of art is good. If we cannot even agree on a simple idea and truth that art is subjective then there is no point in arguing with people who think they are the authorities of all arty goodness. I don’t want to lose sight of myself by focusing on attacking individuals who don’t agree with me in art appreciation, but focusing on understanding why I like certain pieces.
That’s the same for equality. I have been championing for casting diversity in the industry. But the goalpost shifting of debate and political correctness being used as a disguise for attacking anything that did not suit some people’s agenda have become really bothering for me at times. There were lots of debates about whether only gay actors should be cast for gay roles. Whenever there is a straight actor being cast for a gay role there will be uproars. However, for me, isn’t acting, well, ‘acting’? Isn’t the job of us actors to make believe? For me a character is more than its sexual orientation. It is also its upbringing, social and cultural background, education, life experience etc. If a straight actor did a better job than a gay actor in the audition, why should the job go to the gay actor because one aspect of the whole character matches with that actor real life’s profile? Further, there are lots of prominent gay actors playing a lot of straight roles in recent years – Sarah Paulson, Matt Bomer, Cynthia Nixon and Neil Patrick Harris etc. all play straight roles in TV, films and theatre with great success. Nobody seemed to bash an eyelash about that. So why should straight actors receive crucifixions nowadays when they got a job and that job happened to be a gay character?
The other aspect about the whole mote in the eye thing is that when these situations being pointed out people got angry about you. They will either attack you, or expand themselves further by dropping you as a friend, thinking you as not good enough for them, and sometimes even talk ill about you in front of others. I was brought up in an Anglican environment, so I have certain sets of beliefs. But one thing I tried not to do is using my own belief to pass judgment on others. My believes are my emotional anchoring points and support for difficult times, but not tools to attack and judge others. I had lost friends who claimed to be politically correct on everything and open minded about everything. They enjoyed attacking other people using their religion and making fun of people using their wits they think are their rights, that included other people’s religions and beliefs. But when the table flipped on them, and especially when touching on their beliefs, they got angry. From my point of view, if, especially if, you claimed yourself as a Christian, and still did not learn anything from Matthew 7:3 all these years. What else have you learnt?
I might be overly rational and emotionally distanced about these things, but if I can’t look at things objectively and holistically with proper anchoring points, I could easily lose my way because the beam in my eye would have completely blocked my social vision, and hence not allowing me to be socially responsible anymore. Maybe it doesn’t matter whether you are socially responsible nowadays, as truth and facts are liquid mercury for a lot of people and they are not shy to share them. But one thing I also learnt is that, the longer you played with mercury the deeper you will be poisoned by it. In this case probably it is continuously feeding the growth of the beam in your eye.
